HARMONY GRACE ELOHIM

Archangel Michael and Saint Gabriel.

2011-12-14T11:23:00.000-08:00

In a recent mediumship session with a friend/client both archangel Michael and Saint Gabriel showed up and offered guidance. First archangel Michael, who was very clear, strict and stern about his views that day about the topic in question. His guidance was understood as very inflexible by the client (and myself) and we learned about how angels work, operate and serve. They serve unquestioningly and immediately always. Then (he wants to be called) Saint Gabriel showed up and I could feel what he has said, that even though he is thought of as an archangel, he really is more of a saint, in the saint group. His guidance offered on the same topics were gentle, compassionate and very flexible in how, flexible on the time line and all over kind and non intrusive. I learned that day that the reason guidance comes in differently at different times, it is because it depends on who you talk to up there. They all have different opinions, purposes and agendas just as we all do down here. : )

Archangel Saint Gabriel and the Golden Ones.

2011-12-14T11:21:00.000-08:00

About a year and a half ago I had a bad mountain bike accident right in town, right in the middle of traffic. I fell really hard and had the breath knocked out of me completely. I needed help to get up and couldn't see anything but white light. Everything was White Light, the sky, the mountains, the road, buildings and cars. Everything was just white. I could make out all the people that gathered around because, even though they appeared as ovals of white light, these ovals were surrounded by about an inch of a golden aura. So in the ocean of white light there were these ovals of golden auras floating about.

There is much more to this story, but I will try to keep it short. I regained my normal sight after about 15 minutes (after I said "no!" three times, refusing the invitation to go home with the angels, it seems). I refused to go to the hospital but allowed the friendly police woman to drive me home, which she insisted on. I cracked three ribs (oh, that's painful) which I didn't feel until the following morning.

Immediately after the accident I could feel that my regular spirit guides were not present with me. So I asked; "who's there?" and the answer came; "We are the Golden Ones." I didn't know them, nor had I ever heard of them and I was just really annoyed because I had just come into a good working relationship with my, up until then, peeps; Mother Mary and archangel Michael. I refused to start over with new guides and didn't want to have to learn about these new ones working style, communication style and so on. I asked for Michael and Mother Mary back. And I got them back after a few weeks.

During this past year archangel Gabriel has introduced himself to me more and more as a spirit guide that is in charge of building up my earthly life. He wants me to call him Saint Gabriel. I was at first kind of intimidated by his presence and felt overwhelmed, he was SO bright. As time went on and he continued to show himself as a part of my team, I have come to accept that he is there.

During a meduimship session I was doing for a client/friend just the other day, archangel Garbiel came in and showed himself closely surrounded by a group of his helpers, and they were all of them glowing a golden light. And I realized that these were the Golden Ones, headed by archangel Saint Gabriel !!! I have incorporated them now more acceptingly into my life and also my work with people in mediumship sessions. Now finally the Golden Ones make sense to me. : )

The mysteries of Awakening.

2011-08-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

An amazing journey it is. For sure. And never ending, it seems. And so I hear. I see now that there are three parts to the awakening process.

First the transformation of CONSCIOUSNESS, awareness of things seen and unseen. Self - Realization, the knowledge of Advaita Vedanta, the different levels of samadhi; savikalpa samadi, nirvikalpa samadhi and sahaja samadhi. Ever deepening and ending up in permanent Oneness consciousness.

Then there is the lengthy ENERGETIC TRANSFORMATION of ones being. The changes, purification and transformation, of the mental body, emotional body, physical body, life and life style from having caught a glimpse into the Real. The massive energetic transformation from the Kundalini awakening, transforming ones body, mind and life completely.

So, I thought that was it. No more. But it turns out that there is more. The next step after the total change in consciousness and total change in energy make - up, is a change in personality, humanity, in ones presence here and in ones representation of ones person and being in life on the planet. There is now a total change in being here, from PERSONALITY to DIVINITY. And this part of the awakenign process is ever stranger than all the rest. It focuses on and surrounds the central core of Truth. Truth and honesty forces one to always speak and express ones inner truth, an inner urging of what must be offered to the world is always there. The divine inner urging becomes ones only guiding force and ones only way of being. It takes care of every area of ones life, as it is heard, listened to and obeyed completely. There comes a need to represent this inner truth in all ways and at all times, unconditionally and unwaiveringly. The God Force, the Presence of Truth, Divinity and Reality becomes ones personality as well. It is very bizarre and can be very confusing at first. But after all this awakening and transformation, ones person becomes an absolute instrument and vehicle of Divine Reality as Truth unwaiveringly. An empty instrument for God's will.

Love and tenderness.

2010-02-09T09:55:00.000-08:00

In the highest possible spiritual sense,
it is not about who and what you are, it is about
what you can do for other people. They are not free
from their suffering, and they need to be. They need help
with their pain, purification and energetic transformation.

Love, tenderness and radiance become our job.

Ramana transmission.

2009-09-30T12:52:00.001-07:00

See this documentary video on Sri Ramana Maharshi;

Ramana Maharshi; Sage of Arunachala.

Greece on fire again.

2009-08-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

May the Great Mother save Athens and Greece . . .

God bless my beloved Greece . . .

Cat prayer.

2009-08-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

When a cat prays . . .

It's rapturous.

2009-08-19T10:39:00.000-07:00

I still have an extraordinarily bombastic need for quiet, stillness and peace. That's why I am going to Maine, to Rockport rather than Camden or Bar Harbor, or back to L.A. Well, we'll see. I still need to remove myself from the world.

Something is happening to me now, that I don't know what it is. Whether it is results from the kundalini or if it is just plain down loading of light that the lightworkers might be doing now. Maybe it's the new moon.

I've been buzzing and burning like cold fire for two days. I can barely stay conscious, in form. I feel a power developing that I don't know what it is and I don't know what to do with yet. I am totally physically dysfunctional. I can barely make myself a cup of tea.

Hard work, paid off.

2009-08-02T07:33:00.000-07:00

This is where I have been for the past five years, working hard for change.

Letter to Tyrus. Tumblin'.

2009-07-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

I tumbled into a house in uptown Sedona, friends of D.'s. It is unfurnished so I sleep on a mattress in the middle of the living room under the cathedral ceiling. Huge windows and views of the red rock mountains. The people worship cats and are into ancient Egypt. They painted Egyptian symbols and images on the walls in the whole house and then painted over them. You can't see them but you can feel them. I feel like I am sleeping in the temple.

I am no longer making plans for my life, for anything, and doubt I ever will again. This experience brought me to where I feel I was meant to be, finally. I was in the tumbler and fell out cathartically into some sort of new. It's cool. I flow, I float, I watch, I observe. I go with the story. We'll see where it takes "me", or the Harmony. I don't really care any more. I lost grip of the outer and swim eternally in the oceans of Bliss. There are things I want but as they once said; "God can imagine for you better than you can imagine for yourself." So I let it go.

After the solstice.

2009-07-22T17:30:00.000-07:00

I can't hear my guides any more, not since the summer solstice. I am kept in a cocoon of light and I can't see or hear anything.

The past couple of weeks have for me been extremely turbulent and hectic. Total chaos. No idea where it's all going.

Such energy, such complete divine orchestration. I feel totally blind and I think I am. I see nothing, I know nothing, I hear very little.

I feel I am inside of a typhoon / hurricane / tornado. But I trust in the divine to lead me to the right next plateau of my movie of life.

Great big sign finally.

2009-07-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

After over two years in Sedona and not having a clue what I was doing here and no life what so ever opening up for me here ever . . . and wanting to go but that not either appearing to be possible, for all this time. I had wondered if I was not supposed to be here for whatever reason. I doubted that we were in fact ever going to leave.

I have not connected with any community, no activities, made no friends, have done really nothing, no sightseeing, hiking or exploring, just working or resting deeply. I haven't even bought one souvenir. I have really not tapped into this town what so ever, not at all. (The mountains, yes, the town, no.) And I was wondering.

So, recently we reconnected with some people who I felt would be our connection into the Sedona scene. I felt this could be the opening into us having something to do with this place and it's inhabitants. So we were going to get together with these new people . . . and each day they canceled with us and resceduled for the next day. Day after day. Now a week has gone by and we have not seen them still.

So, today I realize that we are actually not going to connect or work together and probably we are finally leaving this hole and that my life is waiting for me somewhere else and that as soon as I get there I will have a real life. Can't wait to go. Now I feel really released from here. Just a great sign that we are not connected in any way to this place. Just passing through, like we first planned and we are still on our journey.

It's been restful and tranquil bordering on intense boredom. But now, there is nothing in my mind that tells me that maybe we are supposed to do something here. I'm telling you. This place is boring. And goodbye.

Happy birthday ! ! !

2009-07-20T18:18:00.000-07:00

I have seen it rain from a clear blue sky, on the island of Gomera in the Canary Islands of Spain, off the coast of West Sahara in Africa. That stunned us all and people stopped what they were doing and went outside to just watch the strange weather phenomena.

Last night, here in uptown Sedona, lightning lit up the night sky, for hours. No clouds and no thunder . . . and it went on for hours and hours. I could see the stars bright in the sky through all my huge windows. I was actually thinking it was the great mother ship coming to take us home. I was hoping they would take all my cats and my stuff too, especially my computer. : ) Really, very strange.

In two days, on Wednesday the 22 of July, it is my birthday and I turn 44 (8 - you know, feng shui). I think I will perhaps do something magical, in nature, with a few aligned ones . . . perhaps.

In two days, on Wednesday the 22 of July, there will be a total solar eclipse. There are some fears about this event, that it will stir up evil and craziness. But I don't think so.

I guess we all have to love as much as we can then, eh.

LOVE people ! ! ! LOVE ! ! !

*
*

http://www.mreclipse.com/Special/SEprimer.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_eclipse

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_eclipse_of_July_22,_2009

http://www.exploratorium.edu/eclipse/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/space/solarsystem/sun/solareclipse.shtml

http://eclipse.gsfc.nasa.gov/eclipse.html

L O V E ! ! !

Meditation grace.

2009-07-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

What do I do now that I don't do energy work any more?

I meditate on the troubles of the world, hours every day. There is such disharmony and imbalance, destruction and fear. Even in my immediate surroundings - much upheaval.

In meditation there is grace. Grace creates order, balance and harmony; which gives birth to love and prosperity, abundance and sustenance for all. Grace plows through fear, rebellion, wilfulness, resistance, hatred and many more unaligned energies. Grace brings order in chaos, blessings to the world.

Thank you !!!

2009-07-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

If one only thinks about what one wants, that which one has, begin to look like nothing. One becomes miserable and unhappy, nothing works and one experiences loss.

If one keeps saying "Thank you", that which one has, begin to look like rich, golden blessings. One becomes deeply grateful and happy and everything works out gloriously and grow into more blessings.

Everything that haunts one in life that one does not want, that follow one where ever one goes, one is to absorb it into ones being . . . and it stops having power over one. Not to reject it or push it away.

Cracking.

2009-07-06T11:53:00.000-07:00

I am surrounded by such beauty here,
I am cracking, I crack.

This is getting me ready fro my next place,
Camden, Maine.

And that will get me ready for my final place,
Bar Harbor, Maine.

Really ??

2009-07-02T15:56:00.000-07:00

For many years now . . .

Nobody responds to me as a private person, as a regular somebody. All people I meet respond to the Light. And all they respond to, is the Light.

Men fall in love with the Light. They think they like me, but they know nothing about me. It's the Light they want. Women fall in love with it too. They think it's me, but it's the Light they want. Straight women fall in love with me too. But it was never me they wanted or were interested in. It was always the Light. I don't think anyone even sees me. I don't think anyone ever has. They see the Light and respond to it, positively or negatively.

When they do find out something about me, anything, by getting to know my person, they become confused, then aggressive and hostile, angry; because it isn't what they want. They want the brilliance, the Light. They want the magical, my spiritual and metaphysical work and practice. That's what they want, a spiritual experience, spiritual growth, magic.

When they see me they get angry, because it gets in the way of the experience of Light, of the imagination of what is there, the possibility of their own change. I am having to (learn to) relate to others from this strangeness, to learn why they all respond to me so strangely, so awkwardly, so backwardly, abruptly, abnormally, unusually.

I give guidance, I give the words I am supposed to give, and people relax. Only if I speak from this place; otherwise, agitation. That's when they relax, when they can hold onto something, some idea, some concept, a step, something to focus on, something to do. Direction. They hold on to me for this, and they don't know it.

And I must make it impersonal. And because of this . . . I don't get to have normal personal relationships. I can't ever make any of it personal, into a personal relationship. There is no giving back to Harmony in the same way. The realm of Divine Mother feeds Harmony; the sweetness, the immaculate bliss.

So, as I watch this, I withdraw from trying human relationships. I withdraw from the natural give and take, the normal sharing in human relationships, since it does not unfold. And instead allow for that which does unfold, the graceful giving of spiritual energies and sometimes called for spiritual guidance. I let go and observe the balance of giving - and receiving in return an energy shift in the other which adds to the change in grids and global and universal consciousness and vibration. All over higher vibration, that is how it returns to me . . . and not as friendships.

I have alliances, allies, companions, pals and acquaintances. But through it all . . . Harmony gives and they receive. I cannot maintain balanced relationships and friendships. They all develop into leadership, guide and giving and following, listening and receiving.

Is this something I must take on seriously now ??? Ever since the time of Christ.

Yes, I know, it is shocking. But if you are on this path, this is happening to you too, even long before you reach the final culmination. They respond to you and your many lives.

No longer metaphysical . . . just One.

2009-07-02T15:45:00.000-07:00

It's no longer about spirits,
dimensions,
energy changes and shifts.

It's about Mother's Light . . .

shining into every corner
of all that which has been created.
Reaching everywhere,
all the time.

It's about Mother's Light . . . into the One.

Powerful and intense.

2009-06-28T17:42:00.000-07:00

God is in everything.

It's so powerful it hurts.

Rapturous bliss . . .again.

2009-06-24T15:39:00.001-07:00

Burning bliss . . .

2009-06-24T15:28:00.000-07:00

This BLISS energy is like a fire . . .

It makes my body

(not melt, not quake, not rip apart - done those),

it makes my body burn, sort of

(done that too though, in the past),

light up in a new and more intense or direct way.

And melt ??? On fire ???

In paradise.

2009-06-24T14:59:00.000-07:00

I am deep in nature again. All I do is sit quietly around my house and the outdoors and absorb this intense bliss energy of this property, this vortex. I do that all day long, sometimes conscious and sometimes in a deep trance or a daze.

I actually get to live and sleep inside this bliss vortex and manifestation portal day in and day out. I know it is doing something really good to me. Being in Sedona was very challenging and not sweet, negative in a way. This place in Oak Creek Canyon is tremendously and powerfully sweet and lovely. The nature energies at their absolute highest.

I wake up to amazingly loud nature sounds (better than traffic). There is the fighting of ravens, the tremendously loud hoot of the peacocks right outside my window, the chickens and the two roosters at four o'clock in the morning, all sorts of song birds, the tree frogs, and the one sitting in my windowsill on the outside. If you have had tree frogs you know how loud those tiny critters are. : )

The peacocks and chickens belong to the neighbour and owner of the place. There are also two dogs and a goat that may come up and visit from time to time. The goat is not friendly and will buck and bite and eat the roses and I have been told to use the water hose on him if he shows up. That is the only thing that will chase him away. : >

There are of course, hummingbirds and hawks and all sorts of insects. The other day my cats helped me find a blind, tiny, little baby mole, a big, long toed lizard and an angry scorpion in the house. I have talked to the scorpions and the have retreated, thankfully. We have a huge colony of bees in a tree outside the front door and over the terrace. Massively huge. I can hear them buzzing from inside the house. : )

There is honeysuckle, several kinds of roses and many kinds of English garden variety flowers, together with desert plants and enormous cactus. Inside as well as outside, yes, really. There is a pretty sizeable koi pond inside the house in an atrium. You really have to see this place to believe it. There is SOOOOO much more, but I shall not go on any more.

Oceans of Bliss !!!

2009-06-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

I'm up here in the woods, in this cabin in the woods,

between three mountains and I am swimming in bliss,

swimming in OCEANS OF BLISS.

Whoah!!!

Is it this place,

or is it just me,

or is it the times we now are in . . .

Intense it is,

this stream line of Perfection.

2009-06-13T11:34:00.000-07:00

I am here again, at Nature's Inn. We call it the Tree House.

I was in Sedona recovering from L.A.
Now I am in Oak Creek Canyon recovering from Sedona . . .

Please see this amazing place on the virtual tour linked below;

http://tour.circlepix.com/tour.htm?id=452248&refurl=foothillsrentals.com

Final surrender.

2009-05-17T11:29:00.001-07:00

I am just now, very deeply, letting go of any plan, desire, wish or direction I would like to go in, all personal focus for my life is washed away.

I have just recently had a major shift in my spiritual adventure, where I now find myself seeing how infinitely blessed every moment is, in my life. I have finally stepped aside and I can see how that was necessary to leave room for grace to really begin working my life.

Grace is making tremendous beauty and love out of everything. I am more blessed now, more loved now and more free and more creative than ever before. I am observing a perfect flow in all areas of my life. I see how everything is moving together. The divine is suggesting different things and different scenarios to me and I am responding to which and what I would like, but it's without agenda. I am finally free from wanting a life that makes sense, any particular set-up.

I have tried for so many years to get God to do what I wanted, to perform my wishes and it has made me so very tired, so tired. Now, with this most recent break through in giving up my plan, I just am, in what is, and it is growing into something so beautiful and perfect for me.

I used to think I had to control it, to plan it, to figure it out, to make sure it all turned out right. I don't do that any more. I don't ask for anything and I watch perfection unfold in all areas. I feel so infinitely blessed. I don't have to make a plan. There already is a Plan. Now everything is a gift. I don't have to think. I don't have to wonder. I don't have to figure it out.

And, boy, am I changing !!! I no longer have a private life. I have a life of service only. Like it always was. A house and home and a private life, I prayed for. But nope. So now what? Not a private life, a public life?

I used to say to the above; "If you want me to do this and that . . . I want you to set it up this way and that way." They were all my requests and conditions, as if my thinking was better and cleverer then God's. And it never turned out in any of my ways anyway. Service.

Now, I will do this, but not for me . . . but for God, because it is God's asking, She is making it so. I no longer care what goes through my head. Everything is going to change.

Serve God.
Serve the Plan.

Don't make a plan,
serve the Plan already in place.

Unobstructed now for the Light to shine.
Unobstructed for God's work through my life.

Very strange life.

2009-05-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

I had a very strong process of this (below) and couldn't understand why. I thought I was nutty, nuts and I wondered much. Now, on this time of being out of it, finally, I can see the process, lengthy as it was.

I get to go through everything strange, lengthy and in deep detail, so that I one day, hopefully, can explain it simply. That is my life. To explain everything that is possible in this field; spiritual and metaphysical. A mind bending life I have. One that makes me go to the depth and core of everything, so that through experience I'll be made to see what's what.

What experience have I not had? Done the shamanic, the dark, the shadows, the metaphysical, organic quantum physics, paranormal, supernatural, witchy, demonic, angelic, cosmic, mystical, magical, multidimensional, the world of energy and perception, tones, sound and energy as languages, vibration, frequency and so on. Luckily I studied theosophy a long time ago. That helped.

All I want is a normal life. But at least it's not boring. :)

Stop the focus. Stop the goal.

2009-05-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

*

ONENESS - actual and factual.
Merger with the Absolute, absorption into the All and All,
melting into the One, God - Union, samadhi.

God - Union is literal, not conceptual.

God - Union is
when ones energy grids, ones energy make - up,
ones aura's substance, meridians and patterns,
ones individualized unit of consciousness collapse
and completely dissolve and melt into the Universal grid.
The Universal grid is now you.
The essence that moves through the Universal grid
becomes your Consciousness.

Everybody is imprinted with stories, some very much and very deeply and some lightly, and most relate to the story as life.

One day, in tangent with and as a result of God - Union, ones stories will be wiped away totally, literally and completely. When there is no longer any stories or imprints running, rather only the whole of cosmos, the totality of consciousness through ones being and field of awareness, the mind will bend . . . and lose control, loose its structure, function and blue print, until it ceases to be. It melts and dissolves, and Awareness remains. The story of creation just flows through it all with all of its options and crossroads. Clarity remains, ease, peace, emptiness . . . filled with the story and movement of creation, the Greater Whole.

What may follow is a period, sometimes long, perhaps many years, of thought confusion since there is a habit of running certain thought forms and beliefs, and create happenings from wishes and whims; personal stories.

A thinking process is still possible and from habit one may still form stories; thinking patterns, questions, considering, concerns about creation, control, wishes, wants, desires and so on. It can take an amazing amount of time before this habit is relaxed, this function of recreating patterns of personal story.

It can take a very long time before the reverberation, the reflections, the remaining residues of this previous hologram eventually dissolve and slowly melts away. And it can feel worse than it ever did before, because of trying to hold on to the familiar and the understood when it’s all just being pulled away. The letting go of the mind functions and the understood in the world view can be the most difficult and excruciating. All this is a process in the energetic transformation that the kundalini brings, a metaphysical transformation.

The compulsive recreating of that which is known and understood one day ceases, and the filling of the thought field ceases and awareness becomes clear and undisturbed and forever. Awareness that is One with Universal Consciousness. But that doesn't mean one knows everything or perceives everything all at once. It means a stillness, limitless expansiveness, emptiness, non - activity. Freedom from doing, desire, controlling, intending, wishing, working hard for a goal, goals, considering, thinking, wondering. Once it is done, it is a big shift. It becomes a perfect placing with What Is in the Here and Now. Then no more personal agitation. One full orb of Nothing.

The energy that comes from within me, through my body, goes out into the world and brings back to me that which is for me. The energy of Truth brings that which is true and right for my life's story line, my journey through life . . . path and destiny unfolding. (Yes, I know, there are those who experience that they "create their own reality". There is a time for each experience.) Not from will or focus or thinking or figuring, but from the vibration of Absolute Reality, through the form into the world. That which is to be will come. I don't have to make a decision or a plan, I don't have to decide, I don't have to know . . . It will come that which is to be, effortlessly.

Letter to my friend Krishna.

2009-04-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

That's not enlightenment, it's Self - Realization. I find that almost every spiritual teacher in the west speak of Self - Realization as enlightenment. It is in my experience two different things (and, if you want, my experience is backed up by the ancient spiritual yoga texts of the east).

Realization is realization, en - light - enment is enlightenment, God - Union is Oneness/samadhi and kundalini reaching the crown chakra and activating there the inherent previously dormant divine light, that's Union (which brings, yet another, incredible shift). It is that Light in the crown chakra that lights up like a supernova. Lights up, en - light - ens. If one is lucky and experiences all of them one finds a massive and total change in consciousness and energy make - up. Then vigilance (as spoken of by Papaji) is no longer an issue. It's not knowledge of anything, it's not awareness of any one thing, it's not an aha experience or insight. It is total transformation in Light. It wouldn't be called enlightenment unless it had to do with light, duh. I know everyone will disagree with me . . . until they reach the culmination themselves. Everybody seems to want to say something about it, when they don't really know. I think it's OK to say; this is what I know from my own personal experience and I am still growing.

After the culmination and enlightenment, one is made by those forces to get back into regular and very normal living, One is made to get oneself all the way back into being normal and regular and nothing fancy, peculiar, different and special at all. When one has made the life shift back into totally regular and normal being, person and life, then the journey is over, not before. Many stop at; "I am now so special", but that is not where it ends. It ends with; I am now back to normal with a totally regular life. Peaceful sure, without questions and emotional rumblings sure, but with a regular life and life style, nothing else.

Blessings,

The bombastic Light of this year.

2009-04-19T12:39:00.000-07:00

As the light has been coming in this year, and coming in and coming in and . . . so tremendously. Is it the light coming down or is it us ascending into the higher . . . ?

I have been feeling such enormous amounts of light descending ever since the day after Christmas last and continuing every day since. It's been pushing me forcefully to go on-line and network. (???) There is something unique with this year. We can only wait and see. I read a lot about it here and there but I know this . . . it feels amazing. Some days, all I can do is lay down and feel it rush through my body and my life.

So then, one morning I woke up feeling a 100 times more empathic (and I was already quite so). It sent me reeling and I actually wobbled where I sat or walked. Very soon after this I became very ill, relating to the solar plexus. I ended up at the emergency room for a day and then 10 days at the hospital. Didn't think I'd get out with my life, but I did about a month and half ago.

It was terrible. My solar plexus cramped so violent. I had two healers visit me at the hospital and work on me.The first one to arrive looked into my solar plexus and that opened it up tremendously. I could feel all the old being forced off this planet, out through my solar plexus and all the new then coming in . . . all through my poor solar plexus. It was like armies and trains leaving and then golden legions of light arriving. I cramped violently only when I didn't allow for this mysterious process to take place. As you can imagine, it hurt to have trains move through my solar plexus. I had to stay wide open. So then, my pain went away. I don't know why they were using my soar plexus to move the worlds in and out. Did this happen to any of you??

Back home in my cute little house with my four young cats, in quiet and solitude I began to recover slowly and only now and then felt the need to have my solar plexus as big as a train station. I still can only eat foods I don't have to chew (must have no enzymes) or I get pain. I don't know how long it will take. One day a couple of weeks ago I went to a small gathering of sorts and on the way there I got very sick, while at this group I almost passed out and after that spent 10 days getting back to where I was when I thought I could go out and mingle.

I have become extremely sensitive. I can't let anyone come to the house. I can manage my animals and my house mate, but no visitors or my energy collapses totally. If I eat it collapses and if someone thinks of me, I drain also (unless it's all Love). I can feel everything so much more acutely. I can see the grids literally and thoughts and intentions (not yet formulated thoughts) on the grid are visible to me as objects. I can smell the wild animals outside. I need extremely clear and high vibration energy field around me or I collapse. I know I am learning a whole new set of sensitivities, grid awareness, and such. I know it will mellow out as time goes by. I will develop the new structure I need to have all this. You know? I know you all can feel it too in your own way. The Light is everywhere.

I was always tremendously empathic since a near death experience at the age of five and it has grown in sensitivity steadily over the years, but nothing like this has ever happened, where it jumped such a quantum leap for me. What's with this year?? What's happening?? What's with all the light?? Sure it's good, but what are we supposed to do now? All I get as an answer is; "Have fun!!" I feel like a retired light worker because I don't do much any more. The Great Light just swims through me at all times since the God - union / samadhi I experienced, the literal energetic absorption into the One, when my drop reached the ocean, literally.

So with all this newness, when can I go back to being in the world, having a normal social life, just living normally again? You know, the more strange things I experience, the more I am removed from the normal world and normal living. I don't think I . . . maybe I will never go back . . . back to being in the world again, like I used to be. What's going to become of me now? The changes I have experienced have taken me away from everything that was, that used to be and is not restoring to me any of what I had or what I was. I just keep getting more and more removed from anything ordinary, running more and more Light. What's going to become of me??

So this is my forum. I talk to the world through the web. I share in the growing Love that is spreading across the planet like wildfire now. I meet people on - line who are experiencing the same or similar. We are all rushing along this rapid river of no return to a fantastic land of perfect newness and it can only be good. I'd like to land in the tropics, in a place with only loving people, who laugh and play and are healthy and creative. I used to say to the above, place me where you need me to be and I ended up in terribly dark places surrounded by terribly dark people, beings and experiences. I was sent in to shed the light. (I know, you too.) Well, now it seems light is taking over and we won't need to be battling so much any more, just live in it, live in the Light and bathe in the Light joyfully. Isn't that so, everybody? We're being carried. We're being takes away, to a place so wonderful, where we can finally rejoice and rejuvenate, restore ourselves fully to what we are, to what we always were.

Kundalini awakening video.

2009-04-17T11:53:00.000-07:00

Well, this is a must see . . .

Trees and Faery.

2009-04-03T22:32:00.000-07:00

I created another network,
a place for sharing stories about the thinning of the veils
between dimensions, faery experiences, the unusual
and nature worship.

Called

TREES AND FAERY.

www.TreesAndFaery.ning.com

The journey.

2009-03-16T17:57:00.000-07:00

*
*
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*
*

*
*
*
*
*
*
*

Morfar.

2009-03-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, I remember ... always will.
Thank you for your ever love and guidance.

*

Away ...

2009-03-15T18:02:00.000-07:00

To this place I soon depart ...

Photography from www.acadiamagic.com

Very ill.

2009-03-09T21:53:00.000-07:00

I have experienced a total and complete break just recently. A break from the direction I thought my life was taking. I imagined that, logically, now things would unfold in a certain way and in a certain direction. Even though I heard from the upstairs that I wasn't going to do what I thought I was, I couldn't let go of the idea. It just seemed so logical to me, my imagined direction.

So, instead, a great break has taken place within my being, a break away from everything that I thought I was and everything I thought I was all about. Liberating really, since I really didn't want to go in the direction I imagined I had to.

I have been very, very ill. Spent a whole day at the ER and another ten days at the hospital in great pain and barely conscious. Finally through their care, prayer, healing from local healers and help from the upstairs, I pulled through. And I feel like I have been emptied completely. I don't know what my life is about and I have asked for direction and guidance and am beginning to see a new light. I feel like I died and came back. I feel like another person altogether. I feel another life is beginning.

Just as I finished the Eternal Fountain web site and my MySpace I felt sort of an end to my spiritual path. A closure. It has been a long and crazy journey and now something else begins. I think I may be going back to being just regular, magical, old me. Pagan, wiccan, witch ... magical fairy forest dancer and dreamer. Or to something entirely new ... ? ? ?

I know I will be on magical lands. Hoping to soon visit Scotland, England, Wales, Ireland and south of France. Perhaps an entirely ordinary life. One can only wish ...

My cyber sangha.

2009-02-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

Fabulously, fantastically, finally finished . . .

My cyber sangha and spiritual network - ETERNAL FOUNTAIN.

Check it out !!!

Snow in Sedona.

2009-02-10T14:38:00.000-08:00

It snowed all night. Today all of Sedona is covered with wet, heavy snow and the daylight reflects off it brilliantly and lights up my whole house.

My cats are very interested in this newness but I haven't seen snow in 15 years and am feeling in a bit of a shock. ; ) I tried to take a walk outside with my house mate but we returned quickly to the house. It was very slippery. I am enjoying the fantastic and beautiful view from all my windows and it is very pretty. It will probably melt in a day or two, so I am enjoying it for today.

OHM.

2009-02-01T20:06:00.000-08:00

Intense guidance.

2009-01-28T13:06:00.000-08:00

I am absolutely overpowered by the energies of this new year, 2009!!! I am feeling such an intense rush of extremely high energies, and I know it's about the new year, but why and what's going to come of it, I do not know, no clue, so I am mystified.

All seems good though and I try all I can to just go with it. This energy has forced me to follow guidance to get out there and network on the web, for some reason. Everything is always one more step, the next step in this crazy journey of mine.

I am feeling intensely burnt out and at the same time I am hurried all day long to keep up with all the web connections I am making. It is a strange experience.

My guidance is very present and they are on it all day long; "do this, do that, now do this and now do that ..." So I keep up and try to listen. For several months last year, all I had to do was to lay low and be still. Now there is such activity, in a way. I am curious about the step following this one. Where am I being brought? What's really happening here?

All the while I am feeling so much extreme L-i-g-h-t and so much intense L-o-v-e, it is fantastic, incredible . . .

Pavel Kopecky's art.

2009-01-25T17:57:00.000-08:00

(sorry for the sizing of the images but you must ... )

Check out Czech artist Pavel Kopecky ; www.GalerieKopecky.net

Intense bliss overflowing.

2009-01-20T11:07:00.000-08:00

Bliss is tearing through my form.

I feel still like a volcano quaking, even though I am not exploding physically, it feels like I am, or should be any moment now. The Light from the crown chakra is still establishing itself within my form, my life, my surroundings and in the Universal grids. More Light. It is extraordinary, unfathomable, explosive still.

I have the great fortune to have a hot tub in my backyard. Luxurious to be able to submerge ones form in water, here in the dry high desert of northern Arizona. I sink my body into the water, sit there with the jets off under the pine trees every day and just let go. I have reformulated a mind, (from the Universal powers I now have ;> ) and it melts too, eradicates, blows away.

It is almost tormenting what the kundalini still is doing to me. The quantity of Light I am being made to allow into and through my form, it's almost impossible even to think. But there it is and it's all I can do to allow. I know my body is quaking, shifting to be able to let it move in and let it move through and let it move out.

The bliss lays like a thick blanket in my backyard. I am changing still. More Light still. More wonder still. Unfathomable all of it. Still.

Newness.

2009-01-12T15:44:00.000-08:00

Such newness! I feel new and look different. I have had such a spurt of energy pushing me to get out there on the web and network myself. Totally frightening. But I have been met only with love. And it's been lovely. It has calmed down now a bit. I feel a bit more organized and centered, still full of energy and ready to take on the world.

My mind, or I should say thinking process, is different. I guess I do not take on as much thought from the surroundings as I used to do. I feel clean. I am empty of will, focus and desire and follow perfectly that which I am to do each day. Even the pauses for rest are suggested at the times they are needed. It's like I don't need to think for myself any more. (Did I ever?) All I have to do is listen, which I have become impeccably good at.

Having had this time to adjust to the kundalini in the crown (two years), has made a real difference. I feel such raw power in my form and have had to ajust and adjust over and over to be able to allow more and more of this power and Light to flow through my form and systems. I am still adjusting to that. My physical body is sort of behind in this and is still very much adjusting to new frequency, detoxing and resting, feeling really strange, like a balloon. I can feel I am not up to speed physically, but I know that I will be in time.

This, just a short rapport of nothing really important ... It's hard to explain what I am really experiencing now. Something new is definately happening.

Free from thought.

2009-01-04T11:17:00.000-08:00

Well, not only a new year, but new in other ways too.

I have been bothered by thoughts for a long time, of and about the future; what to do, where to go, what decisions to make, what to plan and how to keep to the plan myself and others made. This has been quite a disturbance for me for a long time. Wondering why I should have this run through my system.

Then, all of a sudden . . . no more thoughts. Just like that. Abracadabra. Just like that. I don't know where it all went. Maybe it was all the deeksha I have been receiving lately. Probably was.

Now I find I am entirely free of thoughts of the future, of thoughts of direction, of direction totally, of thinking of making plans, of asking God what plans she has for me, and so on. I find that all of a sudden I am free of will and desire, totally. I made up thoughts because I didn't know what to do with myself. I now feel like a hollow and I experience the present moment in the world of matter much better. Cool with me. I feel like I gave my life over to the Great Plan without asking about it, without wondering about it. I see all things now with an even deeper acceptance than ever before. Whew!!

NEW YEAR, TRULY.

2009-01-04T11:08:00.000-08:00

Oh, Lord and Lady!!! I am experiencing such a difference now from last year of 2008.

On the day after Christmas Day I felt such an unusual and new energy come in, as if the new year started on that day. Each day since I have had a surge of energy, creative and outgoing. It felt as if last year was all about waiting and seeing and receiving little things on my way, being set up in the world just a little bit. Now, it's full on super charge of energy pushing me, my life and my work forward with SUCH might. I don't know where it's going totally clearly but every day I am made to write, write, write and I have so much energy. Did I say that? I have tons of creative energy pushing me forward.

It feels like such an extraordinary GOOD LUCK energy. Do you feel it too??

Puppetji vs. the secret.

2008-12-22T17:12:00.000-08:00

Click on the image below to play a video.

Sound and silence.

2008-12-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

As I find out more about the musicians behind the Rumi's birthday performance, I again long to feel sound and live in the sound and the transformation and movement, the landscape of sound and music.

I used to do, live and work sound for healing; toning, singing, talking, humming, chanting, clapping, rattles and drums. As I find on the web these incredible sound healers and musicians here in Sedona, I sadly miss the sound and music in my own life.

In the year 2000 my life of external journey of activity and sound turned into an intense inward journey of stillness, silence, continued loss and much solitude. Now for nine years I have wondered much about why I was to be so quiet, why everything had to be taken from me, wondered even though I could observe the unfolding of it all. Missing what I had and not knowing where I was going instead. Still sad over all the losses.

Now, after the completion of the strangeness, with the Shiva - Shakti union, I am looking for a home and a home base where I can share the Great Silence and its' magnificence and perfection and all that comes from it. Might it be Sedona?

Am I here to stay?
Or am I passing through
even here, yet again, still?
Am I still on a journey towards something,
or can I sit down now, finally,
eh ????????

Is it here? Or is it elsewhere?

Sad, sad, sad . . .
so sad over all that I have had to give up.

Rumi's birthday.

2008-12-20T08:34:00.000-08:00

On the 17th of December I had been so fortunate to have been invited to this extraordinary event, Rumi's birthday celebration with performance artist Gabrielle Young performing Rumi poetry accompanied by excellent musicians. (click on image below).

The evening began with passionately read Rumi poetry with soulful and beautiful music illustrating the words perfectly. As soon as she started reading the room filled with spiritual fire and I burned hot and so did many others I am sure. After a long while of this fire of the spirit it calmed down a bit and then began burning again off and on. The words and the reading of the words transported one into other places and it was like satsang totally. The fire, the heat and the burning.

After a long performance of gorgeous poetry the room was cleared of chairs and open space was created for Sufi dancing, dervish whirling for those who wanted. I didn't want to, just wanted to sit on the side lines and observe. Many partook and the music was ecstatic and it took me by surprise that my legs carried me to the floor and I began to move as well.

We had been instructed in how to whirl and it wasn't difficult, or so it seemed, it shouldn't be difficult. With arms reached out to the sides, with right hand turned up as in receiving and the left hand turned down as in giving and with eyes on ones left hand one was to walk counter clockwise around ones left leg and turn as fast or as slowly as one could. As I started turning I found that it was an extraordinarily focused exercise. I had to concentrate completely on what I was doing or I would stumble and fall. I kept my eyes on my left hand and focused my attention on my chakras and staying aligned. I felt my chakras align and open to the earth and to the sky. It was an extraordinary experience of focus and concentration. I managed to do one and a half song and then my body stopped at exactly the right step and I found that my body knew what to do perfectly. My arms closed in around me and I stood for a while and then went to sit down. The meditation I entered was like none I had experienced before. Perfect alignment and clarity and focus, even though most of the group was dancing all around me wildly and ecstatically to the drum beat and only a few had managed to remain focused on the whirling.

This has been an extraordinary experience for me, the whirling. Surprising and powerful. All evening, after the performance, at a gathering at this woman's house, my head was spinning and it was hard to talk and concentrate on conversation. The following day my head was spinning still and I felt it in my whole body. I had to sit for a while in meditation with one hand turned up and the other turned down, with a cat in my lap, and slowly find balance, calm and centeredness again.

After that I went to the Buddhist stupa up the road from my house and sat there by myself for a while and experienced my head clear finally of all mental debris that comes from so much heavy thought pollution.

So now I can't think, again. All I do is watch, observe, if even that. All that which is meant to be will be and I have no thoughts about it.

I am blank.

Heart shrine relic tour.

2008-12-18T08:47:00.000-08:00

Buddha relics / the Maitreya project.

I have experienced so much here in Sedona lately. Last weekend, on the 12th - 14th of December the heart shrine relic tour was here for two and a half days. The turn out of visitors to this exhibition was huge. There was a line to see the relics inside the building and people were waiting in line outside in the cold to get in, a line reaching around the building. The flow of people was constant the whole time. I was surprised that I finally got to see the interest here in Sedona in spiritual things.

And the event was miraculous. The power of the relics were very real and was felt very strongly. I spent a couple of hours at the opening ceremony and it was very nice. One could receive a blessing from the Buddha relics from a lama and everyone did. Just walking around the table with all the relics displayed was a tremendous experience, full of power.

I went back the following day and spent several hours in the exhibition hall and also the day after that, all together probably 12 hours or so, at least. Now this week after the experience I feel different, as if something happened to me there, a sort of initiation . . . of sorts. I can feel the blessing energy at all times now, especially when I think of it. It feels so good. I feel different.

The relics have been gathered from the ashes left after the cremation of the Buddha and from other Buddhist spiritual masters. What has been found in the ashes are crystals or pearl like pebbles that are the remains of the spirit or consciousness. These pictures here are the relics of the original Buddha. Yet there were many more as you can see on their web site linked above.

These pictures are all taken from the Maitreya project web site but is also what it looked like at the event here in Sedona. It was truly a powerful experience that has blessed all of Sedona and all the Sedonians. The love, blessing, well wishes, benevolence, compassion and good will is still streaming here from it all. I hope the project keeps touring for a long while.

Something truly powerful is happening right now and this event is just a part of it. There will be more curious things and then it will all be fantastic.

Insane making bliss.

2008-12-12T15:00:00.000-08:00

I am feeling so much Love
and so much excitement
that it is almost insane making.

My chest is possibly exploding outward
like the backside of a bullet hole through metal.

I quake.

*

It makes me silly and laughing . . .
it makes me happy . . . obviously.

It makes me curious . . . what comes next?
How much more of this bliss?
How can I handle it and how can I handle more . . .

. . . as I know there will be more.

More intense bliss,
more Love
and more ecstasy.

A joy so sublime . . . !!!!!

Just astonishing.

2008-12-04T16:16:00.000-08:00

I have wondered quite, and sometimes desperately at why, over the past few years (four exactly), I have been surrounded by such and only insanity; addiction, irrationality, alcoholism, violence, abuse, compulsive lying, pathological lying, back stabbing, let down, controlling, personal attacks (because I am spiritual) and so on and so on and so on. Every singe day, all day long, sometimes with great volume and intensity. I wondered "why me?", such a gentle soul I am (even though I have now finally learned to become a strong bitch with all the attacking that's been going on). I knew somewhere there was a reason for it all, for the direct intensity of it and that I would find out why in the end.

Lately, in the midst of such - OK not hurricanes lately but gusts only, lately - I am now beginning to see a great change in me . . . and the reasons for such crazy and constant pressure from the outside. I find now that during this time I have been cleansed of any and all resistance I carried to such behaviours by others. Seems like I had tons of it. I was raised to think and feel that certain behaviours were unthinkable, unacceptable and intolerable - manners, etiquette. I used to react powerfully to abuse and craziness and all of that in others with intense rejection and judgement. Well, now I find that this resistance of mine has been shaved away over the years, so much that now in the midst of craziness I am more and more calm, undisturbed, unfazed, non-reactive, accepting, patient and deeply compassionate - a deep Love pours out inside of me, through me - as my own resistance to such experiences has so dramatically diminished. I look upon the struggling souls, in mountainous pain and terror, react to the world around them with irrational, backwards, intense and strange - sort of crazy - behaviours and feel extraordinary surges of Love, an astonishing Love is revealed from inside, from within. Free from tension and reaction . . . free to Love.

OK, so this process isn't finished yet. But since I am able to see it it is in the end times of the experience. I am sure this was intentional on the part of my guides, in order for me to become more non - reactive meeting strangers in the storm of the pain of life. Luckily, I feel now that I have been prepared by all this to handle meeting whomever. Being so empathic as I am I am less troubled now. Peace in the midst of war.

Light workers.

2008-12-04T07:50:00.000-08:00

From "Wings" by Karen Bishop. (Yup, I relate totally.)

"We have recently completed a vital part of our evolutionary process here on planet Earth. In times past, we knew at some place deep within us, that we were here for a vital and important purpose. Simply being present here on the planet was purpose enough, as holding more light and vibrating higher served its’ own purpose all in itself. This purpose of times past involved raising the vibration of the planet, as we had decided as a group of souls to wrap things up here, to leave all our past 'incarnations' behind from eons of times ago, to let it all go, and thus begin the process of creating a very new and pristine planet Earth before we moved on to a very new universe that we had yet to experience.

This involved taking on many lower and more densely vibrating energies in order to transmute them through ourselves, becoming intentional 'healers', and striving at times to serve, lift up, and change the planet.

The first phase is now complete. We have taken things as far as they can go. We have infused our light, our energy, and much else of ourselves into an old world and brought it up to a very new level. We are now done.

How has this 'being done' manifested in our lives? We may feel very lost, no longer know what our roles are and what our identity is, we may feel that we have nothing to tap into or hold onto anymore, we may feel like we are 'floating' or simply hanging in a space of no space, or perhaps even feel useless with nothing to offer and nowhere left to go.

We may wonder what all this ascension stuff was ever about anyway. We may wonder if it was even real, if it made a difference at all, or perhaps if it was just one big joke. We may find that all we thought that we had learned is not happening at all or has even disappeared entirely. We may wonder if we were just going through some strange stage that is now over or maybe we just grew up. And we may even wonder if we have indeed gone backwards and are now living in an old reality where no higher ways, experiences, or energies exist at all.

This is normal. These feelings arise because our old roles are over now. And these old roles are all we have known in this current reality up until now. These feelings are common for ascension and are only temporary . . .

So now here we are. We have hopefully removed ourselves from much. Having experiences of 'being invisible', unnoticed, disregarded and disrespected, and perhaps mis-treated have taken place in order to encourage us to pull out and move on. Our job is now done. We no longer belong in the world of the old. It is OK to leave. We are no longer responsible for bringing up the vibration of the planet. This has been accomplished…we have succeeded.

Now what? Like very new babies with a very new start, we now get to choose with fresh new eyes. We get to tap into our pure innocence and tap into a whole new us. We get to begin again. We may regain our curiosity, our sense of wonder, and a pure and pristine sense of things . . .

We have graduated to a new level, but in many ways, we have yet to connect to that level. This can manifest as lower vibrating energies continuing to want access into our space, and even as thinking we have made new connections, jumping into them, but finding that the time has still not arrived, and we now need to back out and stay still for a while longer.

The rung of the vibrational ladder that we have just removed ourselves from, as we no longer need to hold that space, is still gelling. It is being set up and things are still being put into place. Once changes begin to be implemented, we will then get our 'high sign'. The old space has yet to anchor itself without us. This phase must occur before our very new phases and roles can get going.

As we are now evolving into earth angels, as this is our new and natural space on the energetic hierarchy, we need to have a vibrational level below the one we are now residing in, in existence so that we can be its’ angels. This process is occurring now and in divine and perfect order. So even though it may appear as though the economy and our old sources of income have completely stopped, dried up, and become non-existent, they are simply on hiatus as they are waiting for this gelling process to complete.

While we are waiting, then, we are making progress none-the-less. In small, progressive and steady steps, we are setting things up for our new roles and new connections. We will be paired with incredible new people and places in the new reality of 2009. These pairings and connections are rapidly taking place now, even if not evident in all ways. And while this gelling and preparation is in progress, we will indeed be taken care of. We will receive at times, just as much as we need to stay afloat while in the lull, even if in small and sporadic amounts.

We have thus been removed from much of everything. We are being divinely protected now. All is in order. We are being housed in a beautiful and loving womb until we can emerge once again in a very new reality of a very different order . . .

So although it may appear that things are tough, that much of everything has dried up for us, I can assure you that we are simply at the very end of one reality and now poised to enter a very new reality. We are done. We will now be reborn and offering our special gifts and talents as earth angels to those who need assistance from the next rung up on the ladder. Assistance for those who want to expand, who want to know how to create a new world, who want to reach higher, and who know that we can show them the way.

As the new angels of the earth, we know that the vibrational rung below us has free will to choose what it will create. We thus know that we need lovingly wait for it to be ready and for it to ask for our guidance. Just as when we resided at that level and asked for messages from 'above', we will now be 'above', and thus be providing these messages and this guidance for those needing it

I have (been) spending most of my time these days in the company of my non-physical companion. Over the most recent years, he arrived less and less frequently, as I needed to find my own guidance and council. Now, we are pretty much in the same space as this evolutionary process serves to continually move us up. We just hang out now as buddies, talking much through-out the day. But because of this, I also know that we will soon be parting ways. I have reached his level and will soon be receiving a new companion or 'guide'. 'My current guide has been with me for several years…since I began my process in 2000. I am so very sad to know that we will be parting. But our guides are only higher vibrating aspects of ourselves and when we reach this vibration and unite fully, we then connect to something very new and different . . . "

See more on www.Whatsuponplanetearth.com

Perfect yoga.

2008-12-01T16:18:00.000-08:00

The Light that was activated in the crown chakra by the kundalini almost two years ago now, continues to rain down and fill my cells massively. I am aware of it in waves. I don't know if it occurs in waves or if it occurs all the time and I am only aware of it sometimes. It continues to be at times an overwhelming experience where I can only lay down and be still, sleep or be in a daze, feeling and being entirely incapable of anything. I feel it fill and fill my cells. It is strange and overwhelming, unbelievably intense, knocks me out sometimes. And even though I am already burning a blazing fire it still gets hotter and hotter, ever more luminous.

The Love that from all this continues to overwhelmingly be activated in my being, in my cells really, is also an incredible and overpowering experience, so intense in fact that I can barely believe it. Sometimes the Love blasts my chest, my heart, but always a pleasant experience. I feel so much Love that it is sometimes unbearable and unthinkable not to have anywhere to put it, nowhere to give it to, not being able to directly pass it to someone or somewhere.

Also, there is an unbelievable, intense Bliss of incredible sweetness that blazes through and in between it all. I thought these were all temporary experiences along the way and especially of the kundalini in the heart chakra, but it turns out it is in fact what they have said in yoga and spiritual scriptures of the east; an everlasting result of Perfection, the blazing reality of true and perfect nakedness, full kundalini awakening, factual and actual Oneness Supreme.

And to think . . .
this is only the beginning . . .

for us all . . .

Sedona Buddhist stupa.

2008-11-29T12:24:00.000-08:00

So . . . I finally found my way up to the Buddhist stupa here in West Sedona. It's just up the road from my house, a nice little walk up towards the red rock mountains, Thunder mountain in fact. On a sunny winter day like today it is especially nice to visit up there.

www.AmitabhaStupa.org

I sat for a while and watched people and dogs come and go and after some time I had some alone time there all to my self. Sitting under a roofed patio, in the shade away from the sun I could feel the energy of the stupa. I am surprised my hair didn't stand straight back on my head, like it does in hard wind. The energy was that powerful. I could feel the energy of compassion and at one point I felt as if my whole body was taking in mother's milk. I felt as if I was being nurtured and nourished and I couldn't get enough of it. Similar to the deeksha I have been getting on Monday evenings, but also different.

I thought I couldn't get enough of it and thought I wouldn't be able to leave and didn't know how long I would have to sit there, but all of a sudden it was over and I could go home. It's like I was dispensed a dose, and then it was done. Very cool.

They plan to build a meditation hall, an activities center and gardens up there. That would be nice. The place is extraordinary. If you visit, do check it out.

Love between animal and man.

2008-11-28T14:44:00.000-08:00

BEAUTIFUL . . . MUST SEE . . .

Love between animal and man.

Great Love,
fantastic Love,
true Love,
never ending Love,

such
Love . . . between animal and man.
Please, check it out ! ! ! ! ! ! !

LOVE !!!

Still in Sedona.

2008-11-22T10:12:00.000-08:00

I am still in Sedona. I had plans to visit this place, plans to leave, plans to get going, plans to move to . . . (a million places), plans - I guess . . . I am still here in Sedona. She keeps me here and takes care of me, fixes me up, restores me and keeps me still. Oh, well. I can't seem to get out of here. So I accept. Sedona wants something with me, wants to fix me still. I accept now. So many people here say you come here when it's your turn and you are kept here until it's time to go. It is done to all who come here. OK, then. I accept now that I am here and that I can't get out of here yet. Like twilight zone. It's OK. (Acceptance usually leads to change.) When the time comes, if ever. Maybe I'm locked into Sedona. Who knows? Only Sedona, and them in the ground and them upstairs.

I enjoy the climate here, the mild winter, the feelings of fall. Sun, always sun. Trees, nature, the howling of the coyotes at night, the stars, the clear sky, the pristine air, the silence and stillness, the power from the mountains surging through me, my little house with big windows and trees everywhere, all my animals, the simplicity of every day and the lots and lots of rest.

More and more Light.

2008-11-22T09:56:00.000-08:00

I continue being filled with light, the Great Light.
It fills my cells and the spaces in between.

It is delirious and tumultuous. I can't do much.
I can only be still as much as possible.

It makes me have a hard time thinking
and a hard time speaking linearly.
Conversation wants to bend into a loop,
has a tendency to strive towards circular.

I guess one can say I am a bit loopy right now. :)

I questioned for a long time why I wasn't functional, why I didn't work like other people. Now I know, it was the kundalini, still is. It is a journey that is tremendously and fiercely chaotic. Fortunately I have the ability to see. Otherwise, without a kundalini teacher, I guess I'd be quite nuts. I am really into understanding what's going on, always was.

Light keeps descending.

So I feel my body tweaking, adjusting to hold more light, opening to receive. Yet internally I feel I have absorbed total emptiness. My cells are empty, yet are filling with Light, as presence. Supreme highest manifestation.

It's all very mind bending, literally.

A new world.

2008-11-04T21:47:00.000-08:00

And so . . . light and truth are beginning to take over in the world . . .

To all the beloved light workers who have worked on raising the vibration . . . oneness, community and sharing is now soon becoming an outer reality of this new paradigm, not just an inner experience of raised consciousness. True beauty begins as the draconians withdraw and Light and grace takes over the Earth . . . so much to say . . . you know . . .

As in all of you, my heart is full. The hard work is showing results.

I did believe that the upheaval of darkness and the dark agenda here in the millennium shift and paradigm shift would last much longer than it did. I feel a great promise with these new times. Obviously, a bit more rebellion will express itself from the dark forces still remaining but the strength of it will be minimal. Light has established itself overwhelmingly and massively on the Earth, as was always promised. I congratulate all light workers on this day, even though we barely made it alive, or with our sanity intact. Blessed be, you very many.

Me . . .

2008-10-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

Love flowing . . .

2008-10-03T18:38:00.000-07:00

A new feeling coming from this . . . yet another experience . . . a deepening fulfilling . . . another step . . .

I feel a new thing coming . . .

. . . the Love that used to and flows, from all this change, through my being, my essence, my presence, I now feel coming through my cells as well, through my physical form, through my biology, my body. Quite a shift and change, a fulfilling of something. Completing. Always growing. Always more, there is always one more thing. Now this and from all that I have experienced I know there will be more. There's always more and another thing and then another. Some journey we are on, huh?

I don't know if this has to do with the kundalini. It has to. Where else would it come from? Kundalini in the crown chakra.

They say, upstairs, that as I now come to embody Love I will now be met with love too. That'll be a change since I have almost always been met with tension, challenge, hostility, competition, violence and hatred. People have almost always reacted strangely and negatively to my presence, attacking me or avoiding me, afraid of me. (I used to think it had something to do with me, but that's people.) Karma or energetic response, I don't know. People acting lovingly towards my presence would be an interesting and lovely change in the external.

Many years ago, they said I would go through a massive transformation and then after that I would have a great life. I await the great life. I look forward to it, believing this should be it. I am sure it is more or less done now, with he kundalini in the crown, and the only thing still to manifest is the change in my external life experience. That still needs to take place, the creating of a new life. I look forward to that. It can only be good and greatly enjoyable.

Filling . . . trancing . . . cleansing.

2008-10-02T17:14:00.000-07:00

The filling continues, has been going on now for days, a filling of my physical form, my cellular structure, filling . . . filling . . . with the Supreme. How can I possibly describe it? Physically.

And as this goes on, I am completely incapacitated. I can't do anything at all whatsoever, nothing. handicapped, paralyzed. I can get up and get ready for the day and I can eat, but . . . Each and every day I fall into a deep trance as the filling takes place and a completely powerful energy surges through me, engulfs me, absorbs me, consumes me, my body, completely. Hours and hours on end each and every day. And it just keeps going. I can't stop it either. Making plans to do anything in the external is near impossible. Doing anything is pretty much impossible. Thinking is pretty much impossible. Which is frustrating. It is almost as if I am drugged by the above. I was brought up to be a doer, to accomplish and to have things make sense. But I am made to not even be able to think about it, incapable of worry. What's happening is very, very powerful. Wish I knew what it was.

My cats sleep with me, fly with me, trance with me. They adore it. It heals them and makes them tranquil. If I move to another room they get up and follow me and lay down all around me. They want to be near me, immediately near me. Funny how animals respond to the true language - energy.

* * *

And the longer I get to stay in Sedona, the more I get to remember past times in this life and I get to go through a sort of severing from all those times - memories, attachments and experiences. I am feeling a sense of loss as I am re-living it all emotionally and it is removed from my being. I only got to be in each place and know each person for such a short period of time, then it was always onward and forward, towards some place in future time. Right now I am remembering high school and people around me at that time. I feel a cleansing of sorts, a letting go of some sort of something carried (even though I didn't know I carried it). I assume I am getting lighter from this cleansing. It feels very complete. And it is sad. I am having a deep sadness of having to leave and always leave. I have been in so many places and experienced so many things and cared for so many people. Even people I never spoke to, you know, in high school. Now I am being made to clear it all out on en energy level. I guess I am raising my vibration tremendously here in this place, Sedona.

Cellular activation to Light.

2008-09-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

Full merger - biologically, cellularly, molecularly. Feeling like I am becoming God. I suppose this will end the drama of the story. I haven't experienced any further shift in emotions (still at peace) or mentally. This seems to be entirely physiological, biological. I feel like God is taking place in my cells. I feel like I should be glowing golden soon. Maybe I will. Still don't know what this is. Can anyone tell me? Upstairs, hello!!

I've slept for 10 days, and I keep sleeping, trancing out deeply. It is a very deep change, molecular transformation. I keep thinking; this should be it, I am sure this is all that there is, I hope I am done now . . . but strangeness continues and continues and continues. It always just keeps going, my strange and unusual life. I'm expecting to go back to a normal life, the way it was before. But I have to surrender all and hope that them above take care of things while I go into this deeper and deeper and all together automatically. I am hoping this is for a reason. We'll see.

. . . I'm thinking we are in a time on this planet where we are absorbing higher light for some reason (divinization) and are all transforming. That's how I see it anyway. This must be global.

If anyone out there knows what this is . . .

I am adjusting to a higher dimension. Maybe this is what's called ascension.
Just establishing new frequency. Not working with people so much any more . . .

God in my being.

2008-09-21T11:31:00.001-07:00

I feel God in me, filling my being, taking over my being, becoming my being . . . an experience that is growing and growing, and I don't even know what it is or what it means. No teacher who can answer my questions. The experience of Oneness continues to grow - imagine that.

I do what they say (upstairs) and get to know what I would want now (even though there are many things and if I think about it all it gets really jumbled up). Then as I have realized what I would want from life now, I am to let it go completely and be open for it to just roll in. That's the surrender. I guess I do what and where and they do how and when, eh. They asked me to tell them what I want now, they told me I can now do what I want - imagine that.

I have had a really hard time beginning to think of what I might want, since I really have had no control or say for so many years. Now I am supposed to tell them what I want. Even thinking about it is confusing. But I am learning, again, to live life on my terms, to manifest, to direct. I find that it needs to include what I need and what fits me for it to really manifest. Them upstairs seem to be guiding my attention to what would be suitable for me now and what would fit me on all levels of my life. Seems I need to be out of a big city, be in peace, stillness and quite a bit of silence. Need to have a small life (like I have always wanted), small and manageable. A need for nature, big nature, space and lots of green and trees, acres and acres, woods and all sorts of plants and big sky. So it seems that Maine would do fine for now. I like the idea of cool air and old buildings, east coast living. Me, a tropical girl - imagine that.

My path is not linear any more like before. Seems more spherical. How does one live round? Be, here, now? And let it come to me instead of going after it? I try to do what I did before when I wanted something. Think about it, focus on it and try to see what I can do to make it come true. But now, after the change, I can't do that. I don't work like I used to. I can't do linear. Linear is gone. What I do is that I find in my being what I would want and then I forget about it and live each day as it comes, without focus or doing and I am open for it to change and to change back. Not attached to the outcome. The moment is blissful and beautiful always, and now, when people complain around me, I no longer am affected by others drama. I am in peace, ever expanding.

More strange animals in my backyard.

2008-09-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

So, a couple of nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night from some strange noises outside the window. Two of the cats were extremely curious with their little noses against the window screens. I figured it was some coyotes sniffing around, but the cats didn't seems afraid at all and the noises were more like grunting and rooting around. Curious as I am I got up and tried to see out the window (there are no street lights in this town) and saw only shadows. There were several of what ever they were out there so I turned on the porch light and what do I see? A family of about 5 -7 huge pigs, or what I find out the following day, javalinas. The were just rooting around in the dirt next to the gravel and walking around as if it was their absolute perfect place, unafraid. And even with the porch light and a strong flash light shone upon them they just moseyed on calmly.

I am from northern Europe where we don't have such animals and I feel like I am in such an exotic place with all of this. What does it all mean??? It is a thrill to be so close to the wild animal kingdom here in the foothills of Sedona. Every night I am awakened by the large flock of coyotes that hunt around here, by their haunting and eery singsong echoing amongst these cliffs as if they were in a fancy recording studio. I wish to record these sounds. They are truly otherworldly and beautiful. There have been other places where nature sounds really called to me.

In Santa Barbara, I lived on the Sycamore creek on the east side, and each night during spring the creek's hundreds of frogs would begin to sing to the moon and it was magnificently loud and one would think disturbing, but the sound lulled us all into the deepest of sleeps. I miss that sound. It was beautiful. Or in the north of Sweden, in the fall, all the crows would caw outside in the tree tops at my grandparents farm, loud and lulling. Or the howling of the wolf in the far distance or the hooing of the owls back an forth. On Hawaii, it was the sound of the dolphins and the whales deep under water that moved me. At the beach we used to let ourselves sink down to the bottom of the ocean about 10 - 15 feet under the surface of the water and one could hear the sounds of both, the sound traveling miles on the bottom, on the sand. And of course, the night birds in Los Angeles, in Mar Vista. In the absolute stillness of the night one bird in the grove of some trees across the street singing so purely and all alone. How can one sleep? And on Gomera, in the Canary Islands of Spain, the strange sea birds that one never saw because they flew out to sea every morning to fish and didn't return to the cliffs until after night fall. They were huge, like eagles and made a totally otherworldly sound, loud and calling. I don't remember their name. But a strange call it was, loud since there were hundreds. And, of course, on any place on the coast, seagulls. A lovely sound, so comforting. I love the wild, always did.

My new beloveds.

2008-08-29T06:59:00.000-07:00

Angelina Lucia - little angel of light.

In the wake of the loss of a great love, and because the kitten left over mourned with such power, and because I've always wanted to have a house full of animals, we went to the humane society. Of course, we wanted to adopt them all . . . but there was a tiny, tiny, sad and frightened kitten with soulful eyes, looking like she wanted to leave the planet. I love taking care of the wounded so we decided immediately on her. Then we found out that they were offering two for the price of one during that month so how could we pass up such a gift and I picked another one in the same window, a grey one of the bunch that kept pawing the glass and looking me deep into my eyes and squeaking silently. His eyes told me he had to come with me so I got him to.

Turns out they have now become lovers, boyfriend and girlfriend and the first kitten now also wants a boyfriend. Oh, well. Soon. The timid looking one, the white one, has grown to become the fierce fighter and dominate one in the relationship and the little boy is the sweetest, most affectionate, cuddliest, mama's boy ever. She's earthy and he's ethereal. All three of them play wildly together every morning and evening, each demanding a major cuddling session every day and sleep together in a pile. Animals make me very happy and make me feel so much love. It is great. Soon, in a bigger house, I will have more . . . and horses.

Buck - called on as Bucky, Bugsy, Buckaroo, Buckmeister, Buckiedoodle . . .

More tarantula.

2008-08-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

I love Arizona.

The other day I let the kittens out into the garage for a while in the evening. They are too curious to be satisfied with space they already have discovered. After a little while I went to fetch them and saw a bark scorpion racing around in circles on the garage floor (fortunately nowhere near the kittens who were under the car). I put a bucket up side down over the scorpion and got the cats out of there. So of course I began to look around everywhere in the garage for more scorpions and found another just deceased and covered that one too, just in case (seen too many movies). As my house mate carries the wild and aggressive super scorpion outside into the field across the street I continue to look for scorpions on the floor around the house, and what do I find, a tarantula sitting on the vent. As we try to catch it it just crawls into the vent and hides. My house mate closed the vent and that's it for the night.

This morning, I was dreaming that there were lots of dead rattle snakes in this house I was in and one that was alive, a sort of pet for the house owners. There were also a lot of kittens there and the snake, which I awoke, was all over the place and the kittens loved to wrestle with it. I lifted away one kitten after another and as soon as I had removed one kitten another was on the snake playing with it. I got really nervous and grabbed a hold of the snake and it bit me on my elbow. As I am trying to make its jaws unhinge, I wake up. It's 5:30.

I hear a scraping sound in the room and somehow realize immediately that something's up. I look over and one of my cats is crouching by a large tree cone that's on the floor that they have been playing with for a few nights. I am suspecting that perhaps there is more to it (cats always discover things around the house, like bats in the stove fan and so on). I get up and what do I see but the tarantula from the other day. Turns out my house mate had opened the vent figuring the tarantula was not there any longer. Luckily this cat is not so rambunctious as the other two so I remove her and catch the tarantula in a plastic container.

So, this is cool. As I am researching on line this morning about tarantulas and cats I consider keeping it as a pet, perhaps. The tarantula got impatient and vibed me it wanted out. I tried to wait until my roomie woke up but decided to head its call and let it out. I carried it across the street to the field and let it out under a tree. It was very excited to find such great landscape and territory and slowly walked in under the brush.

So, I still have not managed to discern a message other that that scorpions warn me and possibly tarantulas want me to be open for the new as it comes and not force any of my own ideas onto it all, but to be receptive. I have had some experience with insects communicating with me when I recently lived in Cornville, just outside of Sedona, and I had such a communion with crickets there (and others). I am amazed that all things have consciousness, great wise consciousness. Native Americans always knew it and I am just beginning to be allowed the experience of it all. I am thrilled.

Spider rider.

2008-08-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

This guy was visiting me today, riding on my hand. If I hadn't had such instinct and shook him off the moment I saw him, I would have called on someone to get a camera and take a picture of my hand and its rider. I wanted to inspect him closely but after I shook him off I couldn't find him in the gravel, I couldn't see him. So I missed an opportunity to find out more about this guy, my visitor. Maybe tonight I will connect telepathically and see if he had something to tell me. Yes, this I will do.

Utah and Wyoming.

2008-07-27T08:54:00.000-07:00

The land one lives upon completely defines who one is. Nature feeds me so.

I want to go to Utah, Wyoming and Montana; especially Utah and Wyoming. I need to absorb what is there. God willing. A dream to one day fulfill, to crisscross the country in an RV . . . slowly, very slowly, with a cell phone, a lap top and a spectacular camera . . .

I left L.A. because I wanted to see the world again. The world is so unbelievable. How could I just sit still in one place?

Montana.

Wyoming, and below, Utah.

Wild nature images, photography by Ron Niebrugge.

Grand Teton national park, Wyoming, photos.

Yellowstone national park, Wyoming, photos.

Coyote warning.

2008-07-27T06:42:00.000-07:00

At dusk, yesterday, after a soak in the hot tub and wrapped in a robe, I was sitting by myself in stillness and quietude on the step to the back door, just gazing at the clouds and the shifting hues of the evening air . . . beautiful coyote walks calmly across my back yard about twenty feet in front of me. She looks at me several times, trying to look at me and look at her path in front of her at the same time, she looked back at me many times. Huh. I really love it when wild life comes really close.

I remember being told, when I lived in L.A. in the Hollywood Hills (also coyote country), that if a coyote looks you in the eye it is a forewarning that you will soon meet a trickster.

I did meet coyote twice in L.A. Once, after dark sitting on the steps to my front porch in Beachwood Canyon, a huge coyote trots up the street and as he passes by he gazes intensely at me with his black eyes. Soon after that I ended up in a long stretched out tangle with a nasty, evil one in human form, battling for my life. I came out brutally scarred and barely alive. A few years later, during a dinner date at the Inn of the Seventh Ray restaurant in Topanga Canyon, from the table on the outdoor terrace I see a small coyote across the gorge, looking straight at me. I faced an entangled, messy relationship that I couldn't get out of fast enough. I did save myself from that one quick enough. Both times I met someone that was trying hard to control my life force and eat me alive, consume all my life force, energy and power until there would have been nothing left of me. Coyote blesses me and protects me.

Now let's see what is coming and how I will be able to handle it, eh? Trickster will attack soon, I know.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trickster

Spirit of Coyote.

Native American trickster tales.
Working with animal spirits.

As Sarah.

2008-07-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

Parts of who I am today . . .

. . . were parts of who was incarnated as Sarah . . .

I am more than those parts . . .

and more parts of Sarah are out there in a few others today.

It was described like this to me by the guides;

"Many things go in and out of one another. It's very hard to be linear. It's more like waves heaving and falling on the surface of the water, the ocean, endlessly in and out of everything. Everything moves into everything else."

Rebirth.

2008-07-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

I am going through something massive, a rebirth of sorts. Such rebirth. It even feels like Birth, to be specific. Being born now. I think it has to do with the Grace Light still changing things. Now it's going to get real, is what my angels say.

I am feeling very strange, infused, heavily infused. Something new is beginning. I am totally being born on a TOTALLY new level. I feel like I can't be a human being with a private and personal life any more and what unfolds is a personal and private life. As I feel it will all be service each moment, my comfort at home and in my private sphere grows, nothing else for now. There is no time for me, except when I sleep. But that is the time my angels talk to me, feed me the information about everything that is going on, about what's next, what to do and how. Always working. At the same time all I do now is chill and wait, let go and let Goddess. What is what?

But now, in ultimate bliss and well - being . . . surrender. Oh, my God, unbelievable rebirth. Recycling my ancient self.

Invocation to Sarah.

2008-07-20T07:43:00.000-07:00

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah . . . Incarnation of Light . . . I invoke thee,
Oh, Holy One . . .

Come to me, Oh, Lighted One . . .

who, by birth,

holds the Teachings of your father
Jesus of Nasareth, the Christed One

and the Presence of your mother
Mary of the Magdi, the Blessed One.

Enter me, fill me . . . Sarah . . .
Oh, Sacred One, Oh, Holy child . . .

It is now, it is now . . .
I am You, You are me, we are One.

Let's go !!

Sat Yuga.

2008-07-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

Grace is everywhere.

I thought it would be a descent of a few moments or a few hours
but it lasted for over a night and a day,
and it's still coming down.
Now I feel it in everything, everywhere, all the time, perfectly.

Is Now the first day of the true and all the way SatYuga?

The full on grace doesn't need to be invoked or prayed for
anymore,
doesn't come just from the awakened one, the enlightened one,
the guru.
It is everywhere and in everything at all times,
and it is wonderful !!!

The guru's job is over (thank God, hopefully)
or has changed into . . . what?

Guru moon / grace light.

2008-07-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

Say what you will about it, but I did meditate yesterday July 17th at 8PM pacific time. And I did feel an energy pouring in strongly through my crown chakra and fill the Shushumna and spread out to fill the whole body. And it was amazing. And I do feel slightly altered today, different sort of, even though my every day is filled with energy constantly and I am most of the time feeling altered and changes happen all the time, every moment, and have for many years.

I don't think this grace-light is much different from all my previous experiences but I am sure it adds to it. All I can do is wait now and see if there are any changes coming from this particular thing. I must say, I do feel different, sort of an extra dimension added, very thinly and vaguely but still, and it was a beautiful experience last night during my meditation. I did what was suggested, opened my spine and allowed it in. I could tell it was different from if I had not focused on it and opened myself like I did. And I still feel it pouring in today.

I didn't know about the grace-light until the morning of the 16th, but my angels knew and made sure I was ready in the best way for me.

I had just a few days earlier been to some spiritual gatherings that prepared me to receive this energy even better. I spent an afternoon with a group who had come from L.A. to meet with a man here in Sedona who has an unusual crystal ball with a pyramid in it. We each got a chance to sit and hold this remarkable crystal in meditation for a moment. I felt from the crystal the pure fire of active kundalini shakti and it made me really, really hot. I was burning and almost sweating and my meditation was very deep afterwards. As each person held the crystal everyone else could feel the strong energy of their experience as if it was their own and we all fell silent and into a deep, trancelike space.

I believe it was the following day that we gathered again (at this woman's house that she has filled with crystals, and I mean filled, from floor to ceiling) to see a man from L.A. chant / sing the guru gita for us all. Well, I didn't expect much, knowing nothing of it, but my experience was amazing again. Earlier during the gathering, when we all first arrived, I received some energy work from a man who channels a nature spirit / deva and he did some excellent clearing of grief from the experiences of lack and loss and of the empathically absorbed sadness from the lack of love in life that all people in that room had. That made me even more open for what happened to me during the chanting of the guru gita. (Listen to the guru gita chant.)

At the very moment that the man started chanting the guru gita my body began to sway and move and align my chakras more perfectly. In deep trance and meditation I felt my body bend and adjust, breathe and align until, at the exact end of the chant, I sat with my spine absolutely straight and energy was moving perfectly and effortlessly through my spine. I feel this prepared me for the evening of the 17th and to better receive the grace-light. I did feel it!! It was there!! And it was lovely!!

THANKS EVERYBODY !!!

Now we'll see. What's next? There is always something next.

Happy Fourth.

2008-07-04T18:33:00.000-07:00

Wish I was here . . .

A departed Beloved.

2008-07-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

A shaman and a healer, a warder of immeasurable amount and skill, always a protectress and giver and now a presence of grace and love, holding heaven open for love and grace to pour on me. A graceful transition, the departure premonitioned from the very first day, a departure that now is holding open a door for the new. Her love will always pour down on me.

In great love and gratitude, we miss you.

As her very truest, communing with plants.

As her very best, oozing comfort.

Thank you for everything - and for your continued love.

Communing with nature.

2008-06-28T06:50:00.001-07:00

There is nothing I enjoy more and nothing that feed my soul better than that which I am now doing, communing with nature.

Every day starting two years ago when I found myself only being able to sit under this majestic tree (that the other threes called his highness, there was also the general about two blocks away, far too powerful a tree). All I could do for almost a year was to spend time on this tiny lot under such a wonderful, calming, wise and serene tree, where I wrote poetry, did healing work and readings for the few people in the house I was living in.

Then I was fortunate enough to be shipped out to Sedona where I spent almost a year in Page Springs on a property by the creek where the land had amazingly spiritual and sacred energy. There I sat, mostly, under the willow trees in a swing looking over the pond. I sat there summer, fall, winter and spring; wrote, fought demons (believe it or not) and absorbed the healing energies. I saw the willow trees lush and green, turn to a bright golden yellow and then loose all their leaves and rest totally naked against the sky. I wondered if they would ever come alive again but they did, miraculously, in the spring and all of a sudden the grey and brown landscape turned lush and emerald green again and saturated with bird song.

I laid in one of the many hammocks at night looking at the stars and the moon with my cat on my belly, in the winter wrapped in layers and layers of warm clothes and heavy blankets. Or I sat in the garden furniture at Christmas, dressed very warmly, looking at the stars and the Christmas lights in the courtyard and at the far off neighbors. I stayed within the fences of the compound afraid to take walks or long hikes by myself because of the mountain lion who had a cub. I made contact with many animals and agreements with some but the mountain lion was not at all interested in agreeing with me that she would not hurt me or mine if I left her and hers alone. Rather she was intrigued that I communicated with her and she let me know it was interesting to know we were there as a food source and there was no agreement. She did eventually wander further away, but I never stepped outside of the fence alone. Kept in place as I was supposed to be, I guess.

I have also spent some weeks up in Oak Creek Canyon and in West Sedona and where ever I am in this land of Arizona, Sedona area, it is magical. Oak Creek Canyon is totally different from the desert of Sedona, it is lush and full of trees and nature healing. But Sedona too has amazing healing energies just in the land and the rocks and mountains. I happen to be in quite a green and lush area with lots of trees and flowering bushes. Lucky me. I think someone is watching over me and bringing me to all these places. God knows I was nature starved in L.A. and suffered from it severely.

Now here on this property where we are staying for the time being, we have become foster parents to a baby bird who the cats dragged into the house one morning. The baby bird refused to die, woke me up screaming bloody hell laying flat on her back, wings outstretched, with her beek open wide and the little kitten just looking at her not knowing what to do. I know my biz partner loves animals and loves to save them (even ants) so we rescued, of course, the baby bird and he placed it in a storage box from the garage and went to the pet store and bought bird food for baby birds that he has to mix with water and feed to her with a dropper. A woman in the community who rescues birds lent us a bird cage. Baby bird healed up quickly and has taken to my partner as a surrogate mother, rides on his shoulder and such. The baby bird (who we named Louisa:) is almost grown now and I have taught her to fly by letting her practice in the master bedroom. She was not aiming very well and couldn't land gracefully but she's getting better. She is not interested in leaving, is very affectionate and not at all afraid of the cats.

We had a baby skunk wanting to live with us a few months ago but I decided she'd be better off with her own kind. She too was so loving and great with the cat. (Skunk's story.) And we tried a couple of weeks ago to save a baby bunny who had been hurt but sadly she expired peacefully.

Now, the last few days, my biz partner who has moved his office outside onto the back patio overlooking the pool (loves the outdoors) has been visited by praying mantises a couple of times. This morning there are two praying mantises sitting on his desk just communing with him. I had to look it up on - line what message they brought; stillness, patience, reflection, listening, waiting for the right moment to strike.

I am thrilled to have this intimacy with animals and with nature, trees and flowers. It is so good for my soul and gives me a feeling of coming home to something that is real and makes sense. It is soul nurturing and it is healing for the soul and for my very being. I don;'t think I could live without closeness to an abundance of plants and wild animals. They are so cool.

The New Age Coming.

2008-06-27T19:34:00.000-07:00

Something has taken place in the Earth grids that now makes it . . .

if one doesn't go with God, ENTIRELY, NOW . . .

one will fall off the planet into a dark hole.

*

I knew I was being prepared for something.

*

Some people are forced to go with God and do it with extreme, great and violent resistance.

Our paths are picked for some of us, some are faced with choice and some just belong to the dark.

Here we go.

2008-06-27T17:36:00.000-07:00

I am finally going on my journey again. Soon I am leaving Sedona after having spent just over a year in this magical land. I haven't done anything I wanted to do but energetically I have done everything I came here to do, I received. I feel OK with that now, complete with the process I came here here to have, quite deeply rejuvenated.

So, I am on my way finally back towards Europe, from where I came 14 years ago. It was on 9/11 that I decided I really wanted to go back to Europe. It has taken me 7 years. (Hm. It took me 10 years to come back to the U.S. after my first initial visit here. Hm. Interesting.) I am passing through New England, Maine, on my way off this continent. Summer in Maine. That'll do. Of course, I still miss L.A. and may go back there some day, but as I said before, when I lived there I felt I was missing out on all the things and all the places still to be seen in the world and I felt a pull back to Europe. I am drawn to Scotland, England, France, Italy and Greece.

I am feeling more and more normal. My life is quite normal now and things in my life are unfolding beautifully rather than as profound challenges. My life is more and more normal but I have yet to feel totally normal again. I wait for that day. I just want a normal life, a life that makes sense, a life of order and rhythm, creativity and social activities. I am still confused about this thing called free will. I don't seem to have any. Things unfold in my life absolutely without any regard to my thoughts, wishes, prayers or otherwise intending my will upon creation. I am OK with that since now things flow so well and kindly towards me.

Right now.

2008-06-23T19:39:00.000-07:00

I am still somewhat reeling, my life that is,
from the kundalini into my crown chakra.

I guess, since the kundalini rested in and worked in
each chakra anywhere between 1 - 4 years
(and in several upper chakras at the same time, more or less)

I can expect just about anything still

as the kundalini has filled the crown.

The explosion of divine light

that took place in the crown chakra

as the kundalini reached the crown

is still expanding, in waves ... big waves.

I didn't realize that the experience of
the kundalini in the crown chakra would also be
a stretched out period in time, a lengthy experience.

I have thought that I should be able now
to pretty much right away grab a hold of my life
and steer it the way I used to be able to do

before all this began, before the kundalini was activated.

Yet, I am powerless still over how my life unfolds,

powerless completely.

All I can do is watch as things develop around me,

in the world of matter - as things happen
or as nothing at all happens.

I am totally unable to make anything happen
- through will, intent or prayer.
Even surrender doesn't get me what I want,

doesn't give me control.
It is amazing to observe all the things that do,

seemingly all by themselves,
simply unfold and build in my life.

As ones energy patterns change
ones external life experience also changes,
so here we go,

BIG change ...

Just being.

2008-06-17T13:13:00.000-07:00

I am watching as my external life is now beginning to fill in more and more the empty places with experiences of the world of matter. Things, places and people are showing up and where there was a huge empty void, after the massive clearing and cleansing of my life, after the kundalini chaos, there now seems to be a new life filling the void that was my external life.

I am deeply and completely enjoying the total depth of the of the Absolute through the world of matter, all is as it is, in every moment, and as beauty and abundance begin to arrive physically and surround my person it is double the fun and pleasure.

I am still in Arizona, in Sedona, with incredibly magical desert all around. I never thought I'd be here and I never thought I'd be here this long. I don't even know what I am doing here except absorbing the energy of the land and getting ready for my new life.

We are renting yet another house in the middle of town for the time being. I want one thing, my biz partner wants another thing and I am sure God the Mother has Her various plans for the details of my life. I don't know how it will unfold or how long I will be here. It is still all up in the air and everything is temporary.

In the desert, with enough water, roses grow around the house (which unfortunately you can't see on these pics) and I care for them together with my big cat every morning and get to have fresh roses in the kitchen, dining room and living room every day. That's what I do each day before breakfast, care for the roses and for the cats and swim for exercise.

To have flowers, trees and water in the desert makes it so much more fun (for me). It is not too hot yet, just really warm and no bugs, no mosquitoes, which I had in my two most recent places and couldn't be outside at all. I can't live if I can't be outside a LOT. It is summer and life is good.

And I got to be here.

2008-06-12T17:10:00.000-07:00

And then I got to be here, a totally different place, but only for a few weeks and it has changed me a lot and very fast. Nature and animal life is restoring me still, all that which was stripped from me in L.A. and during my kundalini journey. I am now being restored and it feels like nothing else.

We had eggs from the chickens next door, the taste of which made me feel like I had never really been alive before. (I'm gettin' me some chickens!!!) A couple of peacocks lived in the tree outside my bedroom window (loud in the morning). Rocky the goat, who's never known fear or danger, would walk into our house any time he felt like it to see if he could find something to eat, like fish food or a stool or human fingers.

This house was built by artist Douglas Andrews, an amazing creative totally in touch with nature.

In Oak Creek Canyon, 10 minutes north of Sedona. Green and lush.

Swing in the down stairs garden. I hope to come back here one day and take my own pictures (but I know, the journey only goes forward and onward).

Dining room and living room and indoor koi pond seen from the kitchen. Upstairs a half circular wrap around loft.

Living room with aquarium.

Above the living room, my sleeping quarters.

At the other end of the loft, more beds.

Upstairs bathroom with antique bath tub and patio.

Kitchen.

Dining area with art by the owner and builder of the house.

Indoor fish pond with both tropical and desert plants all around, really like a jungle.

Pond and breakfast area.

Rooftop garden, patio with fire pit and views galore.

Rooftop garden.

The creek in front of the house. I am glad I got to be here.

I got to be here.

2008-06-12T16:37:00.000-07:00

It was sacred, serene and beautiful. The land held me in place for many months. I had to be still in nature. I got to see Arizona in the summer and then also in the fall and winter and spring. What I remember most are the stars at night and the energy of the land, the many birds and the feeling of the mountain lion watching us. And can you believe it, angry people lived here.

All that remains.

2008-06-12T16:31:00.000-07:00

What remains
is watching God work my life, work in my life, through my life.
Just letting all unfold,
and it does,
beautifully
and perfectly.

That's all I do

. . . let.

Chop wood, carry water II.

2008-05-18T18:45:00.000-07:00

Chopping wood
used to be so
laborious
and strenuous.

And carrying water
used to be so
burdensome
and dreary.

Now chopping wood
and carrying water
is effortless,
effortless,
effortless,

effortless . . .

effortless . . .

. . . free . . .

Spider bite - PAY ATTENTION !!!

2008-05-16T09:26:00.000-07:00

Arizona is interesting, like no other place I have been, otherworldly for sure. If you don't pay attention, you get bitten.

OK, so I got stung, bitten, probably by a black widow spider (or some other nasty), about two days ago (I believe) on my forearm. I first thought it was a mosquito bite (those guys are just killing me out here, they want my attention on what?) so I kept putting tea tree oil on the bite to prevent itching. The bite swelled up like an egg. It looked like my arm was broken.

In the night I had pain in my arm from my elbow to my wrist and this morning the pain had reached my fingertips and up to my shoulder. So . . . I had to call poison control center and the lady said it could be a variety of bugs, not just the spider and told me to look out for signs of infection. She said nausea and dizziness was to be expected and that it could take several days before the symptoms would go away.

I went next door to my land lord and lady to ask them if they knew what it might have been that bit me because it bit me while I was sitting on their couch. My land lady went directly to her cupboard and said she had just the thing. She brought me a copper penny and said I should put it on the bite and it would pull out the toxins and remove the nausea. She had seen or heard about it somewhere and had then researched it on - line. Copper pulls out toxins.

Uhuh, so I did. I held the penny to my arm and in ten minutes the mild nausea I was experiencing was gone and I could again use my arm and lift it over my head. I went and got a brand new penny and taped it to my arm and taped two pennies to my knee where I found another bite of the same kind.

After a short while, as I was going to make some breakfast for a friend, I suddenly became very disoriented and nauseous and had to lay down while others made breakfast instead. I was dizzy and very out of sorts. I could feel toxins move through my whole body and all I could do was to be still and rest. A very strange feeling. After about an hour it was better.

I kept the pennies on my skin all day and when I removed them in the evening the swelling on my arm had gone down almost all the way and the brand new shiny pennies had tiny specks of something that looked like tar on them. Concentrated insect poison, eh?

So I must say it worked. I kept a penny on my arm the whole following day too until the swelling and pain was totally gone. Curious remedy this one.

Arizona.

2008-05-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

My favourite thing about Arizona is

the stars at at night.

I am absolutely blown away by the heat of this spiritual love...

2008-05-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

"There's something happening here . . .

What it is ain't exactly clear . . ."

(Buffalo Springfield)

Ascending.

2008-05-09T17:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, a light so massive.

I feel enormous amounts of light descending a lot. I feel it every day really, over the many months (years?) past. Yesterday it was really so massive, again.

All of a sudden I imagined not the light descending down over us all, but rather us, with physical bodies and all, ascending, up, up, up, and bringing with us not only our bodies but the whole dimension.

I feel many aspects of the Earth plane ascending with us as we go into light and higher dimensions. It feels as if all places, all areas of our material realm, will not go with it, the ascension, to the higher but just some areas of life and Earth plane that are prepared.

I wonder if we will wake up one day and drive down the road and find that our surroundings no longer look the same, our neighborhoods will be linked through space with new areas since not all regions are coming along into the new, and all will be different. That'll be the day, huh?

Cryptic still.

2008-05-09T16:40:00.000-07:00

Cryptic is
always, daily, in all the most unexpected moments,
attacking my connection to the divine and doing so
suddenly, harshly and violently; and so I find myself
deepening enormously my commitment to the Light,
my trust in the above, my faith in what I know
and my connection to the divine.

As a gift,
a nasty one, an ugly one, an uninvited one, an unwanted one,
the whole stretched out experience makes me dissolve
whatever inner veils of doubt I might have had
and whatever I might still have
(since the cryptic is still there).

In the story of life, I am forced to accept God as the ultimate
grace in my life, the ultimate ruler of my life,
the maker of my life, the guide;
forced to surrender to it.

When my faith and surrender are complete,
cryptic will be gone.

Love.

2008-05-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

I just feel love, tremendous love, all the time love, such love. Euphoric, sublime, blissful way beyond well - being. How to describe?

My external life is in no way in place yet. I am curious to see where it will take me, how it will unfold, how it will be set up, what it will be about for me. I know that as the light spreads out into my life there is a way that it will be set up perfectly, a perfect expression of what has transpired, a result of the becoming. How it will look I don't yet know but I know it will be a reflection of that, an expression of pure Light. All I have so far is the total inner transformation and a beginning to the external expression of it all. I cannot wait to see the rest unfold.

Happy to be.

You know.

2008-04-28T13:44:00.001-07:00

"I don't want to die without any scars."

(Brad Pitt in Fight Club)

Going somewhere.

2008-04-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

For several years now I have feverishly wanted to "settle down" and have a huge house with a huge yard / garden. I wanted to be in L.A. I wanted to have a house on a hill overlooking the ocean and be in a city which would have all the activities I could possibly want. I wanted extreme luxury. I wanted marble floors. I wanted a big social life. I have now let go of my wants of a certain kind of many things.

I have been for the past nine months now, not on a hill but in a valley, not by the ocean but in the desert and not in a huge, luxurious house but among several very simple buildings on this compound. I have not had any activities and no friends around (except the people on the compound). I have been pretty much isolated in a place where there is "nothing to do". And . . . it's been perfect for me.

I have been deeply rejuvenated by this place, rejuvenating from all the difficulties I've had over the years from the turbulent chaos of the kundalini awakening. This place was better for me than anything I could have imagined myself. I feel so connected now; to nature, to the earth and to spirit. It has been the ultimate good thing for me. I didn't know that this place would be so good for my rejuvenation and I didn't even know I so deeply needed this restoration / rejuvenation. Little I know of my own needs.

Somebody up there knew. I feel more normal now, more in touch and more over the "spiritual path". I feel like I am waking up from a long dream. I have wanted to have a more normal life for ten years but the kundalini rising creating chaos wouldn't let me. Since it culminated a year ago and I have adjusted to it for about a year now, I am feeling more and more normal, finally . . . here in the country, among the trees and their magnificent love.

Going with the flow leads always to success.

2008-04-04T13:33:00.000-07:00

If one does only what one is inspired (in-spirit) to do
one will not mess up ones life.

One stays in touch through prayer . . .

. . . listening . . .

. . . observing . . .

Greetings to the spring.

2008-04-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

Focus on my goals to create my world
or surrender and go with the flow
to allow my destiny to unfold?

I wondered and I wondered and I wondered . . .

Then one day I heard it loud and clear . . .

God can imagine for you better than you can imagine for yourself.

Going home.

2008-03-22T14:18:00.000-07:00

Long winding marble halls
light at the end of the tunnel
flowers all along

Serpent power

Like crows flying
a flock
across a gray sky

Hollow like a cave
deep resistance in the moonlight

Hollow
the wind rushing through
it
like a flute
empty mountains

The tips brightening in the
light of the rising sun
a pale yellow covering
broken cliffs

The sound of hollow
aggravated moment
stands still in time

Thunderous flutes
bombastic like church organs
echoing and thundering
recking the peace

Swallows fly high
like butterflies tumbling on the wind

The hollow emptiness of my wounds
loudly reverberate
through the echoes of time

Aggravation tumultuous
movement
gliding forward on the path
slowly but surely
a straight line ahead
focused goal on the gold pot

The bricks lay still awaiting
my return

A pile on the mountain top
moving in time
adjusting to now

In a circle
breaking in and out
the flowers crouch to receive me
Trees strong against the wind

Never moving but to open
the gate
One person may pass, no others
already declared
A perfect reunion
of past and present

Guarded through time
a perfect palace
surrounded by peace

Our return.

2008-03-22T14:05:00.000-07:00

Surrender flies the sky
opening the heavens to more

Tumbling down upon broken land
possibilities of our return

Galaxies far away
break open
twist and turn
shifting in place
more light into the universe

Parading palaces empty
turning around towards the sun

New legions of light move
in to the temples
fill the air with song

Explosive presence of return
Mother
breathes easy

Thirteen owls in a tree.

2008-03-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Summer comes slowly
green grass peeking

The sun comes sideways
over the land
the fields
the forest

Thirteen owls in a tree
clearly seeing me through the leaves
a tree already green with promise
in my dreams

Stunning effervescent sublimity
everlasting in my soul

It all watches over me anyway

Corrupt the systems
of a new dawn of tomorrow

Only truth recognizes itself
through the eons

A calm
like an arm reaching
forever
after me
wherever I went

I went dark, I went high
I went low

I went in, I went out
and up and away

It reached me wherever I went

I went circus
I went player, poet and fiction
I went nuts and insane
I went traveling to seek it

and It found I

At peace now ever rumbling
ever moving ever
storming and art - ing

The wind pulls me in
the house
storm winds in all others
perfect peace in me

L - I - G - H -T ! ! !

2008-03-19T19:14:00.000-07:00

I am going to try to write about this even though it is still going on and will keep going for days, I know.

Last night I experienced something so incredible. Outside, after dark, under the stars and in the light of the almost full moon, bundled up in a thick jacket, hat, gloves and under a thick blanket and some pillows, I laid in a big hammock under the big, old willow trees by the dried up pond, with my magical black cat on my belly. This I do regularly. I like laying in a hammock after dark under the stars for a while, especially if there is a moon. My cat finds me and comes and lays with me.

Last night, a much usual night, happened a much unusual thing to me. As I laid there with my cat hoping not to get a chill like I do most evenings if I stay long enough, both the cat and I merged into the Great Light. Slowly, at first not really noticeable, we glided into a complete Oneness with the Supreme Light. It was like a great and perfect trance, PERFECT. The stillness was complete and the brilliance was complete, the Light was complete. I know I have experienced this many times before but not been able to remain conscious like last night. I have merged into the Great Light many times but always falling asleep or going unconscious first. This time, last night, it took place with me remaining awake and in the body. Supreme and perfect Oneness with the Great Light. I was there for about an hour. I don't have to mention it was sublime.

I have experienced Oneness with the void, with the Absolute, and oneness with all of creation, literal and energetic. This was something else. Perfect Light, oneness with the Light.

This is doing something to me. Right away I felt really different, REALLY different. I was feeling it all night. I have been feeling it all day. I feel it physically. I don't know exactly what it is doing to me, but it is changing me, physically, biologically, organically, cellularly, molecularly. I know it is not about the above or any other dimension or something outside of myself. I can feel that it is organic, something that has come alive within or been activated in my energy systems and boy, does it shine!! It is a continuous experience, it doesn't stop, it goes on and on.

I don't know what this is or how it happened. I have no teacher to ask. As time goes by I am sure more will reveal itself about the whole thing, what this brings or makes. I have not stopped feeling it since it happened and the strange this is . . . today I feel normal, back to normal again, for the first time in 15 years, even with all this Light, normal. And that feels great !!!

Going forward backward.

2008-03-19T12:42:00.000-07:00

In this time of great change for me, since the turn of the millennium, I have to come to know myself, inside out. I have come to have new work and a new work identity. And much also remains the same. All that was useful from the past came with me, yet, I am someone else now.

Now that I have found my new personal identity and new social identity and understood my new work, which all took years to have reveled, very slowly, I shall now put all that aside and complete functioning finances and also go and find my place in the world where I can be, live, love and do my thing. A place that suites and nourishes my new me and my new work and purpose. I must be creative, an artist, a writer. I thought I had to share my becoming and the path one can find oneself upon towards ones own becoming, but now I step away from that, to just be for myself and my little life. (Maybe later I will share in a spiritual way again.)

I am feeling the surge of what I was like when I lived in Europe, my deep artistic self, the observer and commenter, the dresser and decorator, the writer, photographer and painter. My time of becoming spiritual is over and I can do what I want (they say). I want to go back to Europe, fur sure. See the country side and gardens of England, the hills and mountains of Italy, the old castles everywhere, the stone farmhouses of south of France, vineyards and lavender fields, the cafes of Vienna, concerts with Amy Winehouse, the street life of Paris and London, the impeccable deep blue of the Mediterranean sea, the heat of Greece, the oriental influences of Seville and Granada in Spain . . . I want to find a big, old house on the country and settle in.

I have yet to decide in which part I will live, but I do know I will just live and live the small and manageable life I have wanted since '97. Just see the sun come up, eat good food from the region, take walks to town, see some people, sit at cafes and write, paint. organize my house with antiques and stuff from around the world and have people come and stay long periods. I like most the Mediterranean areas and will take residence anywhere on the sea. It must be warm and have people like me. I like places that have an international crowd and flair.

* * *

The attention I received for my work in Los Angeles was all warped. People there were only interested in the phenomena of it and not the actual effects and benefits. People were eager to glorify and adore me, without knowing exactly what I do. It was empty and frightening and I ran from it from the start and instead went deeper into spiritual becoming. Having been in Arizona for all this time has cleansed me from all the strains of living in L.A. and in the sort of demented mentality that L.A. (mostly) holds. I am no longer reverberating from the challenges of trying to be real in an ocean of people who were warped, too intense and with no interest in the real.

I have considered very seriously going back to L.A. and resuming my place and work there because that was the only thing that seemed to make sense for a long time. People do want this kind of stuff there yet not seriously. On the very day after I fully decided to go back to L.A. and live there; I had even let people know I was coming back; it was crystal clear to me I was going back to Europe, crystal . . .

I have wondered on a couple of decisions for a while. Back to Europe or back to L.A.? Be available to teach spiritually and share publicly or live small, privately and just for myself and do my thing, my art - and do my connection to the divine privately? I have been pulled between what I thought could be my destiny, purpose and God's will for me, and what I felt in other parts of my being, things I really also would like to do, a more personal will. Hmm . . . It is now looking like I can have what I need instead of having to be entirely and totally of service to the Plan and only that. My life unfolds by itself in a new way. I see there is now more of a focus from the divine on my personal needs, not so much and all the time on work. I am being restored back into the world from this crazy and all - consuming spiritual journey I have been on now for so many years and I like that. NORMAL !!! I waited for normal. Thank you my people upstairs and the Mother All. I feel like I am coming out of a long dream and I get to go back to be with real people.

All the things of my personal life and my personality that have been forced onto the back burner for so long because of the spiritual becoming are now coming back to me. I greatly rejoice !!

Moving on.

2008-03-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

I still miss L.A., intensely, sometimes brutally. Yet I had nothing while I lived in L.A., except a deep spiritual journey.

I wanted to get out of L.A. I badly missed nature, big nature. I used to think of all the places yet to be seen, places to go, places to experience, live and love, the beauty of the rest of the world that I still wanted to take in. L.A. is so confining. When I lived in L.A., that was it. I never really thought of the world outside of the borders of the city. It became confining. I was feeling trapped by the spirits of L.A.

I have busted out and now nothing makes sense. I am having to get used to a new life, a whole new way of life, get used to something else, something new, something yet unknown to me. Bothers me. Even though I miss L.A. much I am glad to be on the outside of it, as I am sure all people who used to live in L.A. can relate to.

I now have much nature and much space around me. I can breath and I breathe slowly. And I expand tremendously. This isn't my station though, just a place to regroup and wait.

So I am still roaming, flying, moving, going with the flow. I tried to settle down in L.A. but it was not for me, only for a period of time, until I hit the jackpot spiritually one could say. I must again go with the flow to find the next place where I can continue my life and development. See ya there.